Well, things are moving forward, but not in the way that you might think. I find myself at the starting gate to yet another journey.. not a journey through surrogacy, but rather a journey towards………
I have no idea where I’m going. All I know is, it’s forward.
In a few short weeks, my body will be under the knife and I’ll be the grudging recipient of a partial hysterectomy along with becoming the home for a few feet of mesh. These last couple of physically traumatic births have done in the ol’ lady bits and if I want to move forward in my life, those bits have to be repaired. It looks like retirement from the world of pregnancy will be less of a ticker tape parade out of town and more of a tornado, ripping me away from the comforts of my body and over the rainbow for a whole different kind of adventure.
Folks, I am FREAKED OUT.
But it’s what’s got to happen. Prolapse after prolapse, my body is telling me something. It’s time to listen. This is one of those risks we hear about when getting in to surrogacy in the first place. One of those scenarios that we accept, but never really think will happen to us. It happens. Thinking of being a surrogate? Understand that along with the amazing magic and life transforming positive that comes out of a journey, this is a possible risk.
Is the risk worth it?
I think so. We were done having our own family, surrogacy didn’t change that. My heart bursts with love and pride when I look at pictures of my stunning surro babies, when I think of the families I have helped create. But surrogacy did have quite a bit more down sides that I’d been prepared for. The loss of many relationships and now this physical complication.. I didn’t count on those. Would I do it again? Yes. But I may have approached things differently if my crystal ball had let me in on just what, exactly, I was getting in to.
Much more to say. I just don’t know how to say it.
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im so sorry! wishing you an easy procedure and a fast and complete physical and emotional recovery. i had a major complication after the birth of my 2nd son and 4 weeks after he was born i had a 14 hour back surgery. it was beyond intense with a newborn and a 2 year old and no feeling from the waist-down. i was so scared of the procedure and the future and my dad gave me great advice that i still use today (18 months later and 100 percent recovered) and would like to share with you: you only need to worry about/get through today. you have everything you need to get through today. 6 months, 1 year, whenever down the road that worries you–all will be revealed when you get there and you will be able to handle whatever it is that those days hold. you are an amazing person who has done many incredible things and will continue to do many amazing things and inspire others to be as selfless as you.
Wow! I don’t know what else to say, but my heart goes out to you. Hugs!
I know that compared to many of your readers I’m a noob, but I’ve read all of your posts. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that the surgery goes smoothly and that you will be feeling physically and emotionally better as quickly as possible. Sending you mental hugs and chocolate!
You’re about to go through major surgery, so being freaked out is totally expected!! I hope that your surgery goes well and that you heal in record time!!
Hindsight is one of things that can torment us…our choices, how we might have done things differently. It sounds to me as if you’ve sacrificed so much on so many levels – I hope your IPs know just how wonderful you are!
Hi – I’m new to your blog and read about your upcoming surgery. I wanted to tell you that, for me, the anticipation of the surgery and recovery was worse than the surgery/recovery itself. I’m 32 and recently had a partial abdominal hsyterectomy. I, like you, was anxious prior. I had heard 4-6 weeks recovery and had read some scary stories. The first week was painful but manageable. By the end of the second week I had turned a corner, and while I wasn’t lifting anything too heavy (like my son) I wanted to go out on errands and rides. By the end of the third week I was back to normal, including lifting, with only some belly swelling and skin sensitivity. So it’s definitely a major surgery and not a fun time, but it was much more manageable that I was anticipating (and losing sleep over). I hope my experience can maybe help you have some piece of mind as you head into your surgery. I wish you a speedy recovery!
(((((HUGS))))))))