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Well, things are moving forward, but not in the way that you might think. I find myself at the starting gate to yet another journey.. not a journey through surrogacy, but rather a journey towards………

I have no idea where I’m going. All I know is, it’s forward.

In a few short weeks, my body will be under the knife and I’ll be the grudging recipient of a partial hysterectomy along with becoming the home for a few feet of mesh.  These last couple of physically traumatic births have done in the ol’ lady bits and if I want to move forward in my life, those bits have to be repaired. It looks like retirement from the world of pregnancy will be less of a ticker tape parade out of town and more of a tornado, ripping me away from the comforts of my body and over the rainbow for a whole different kind of adventure.

Folks, I am FREAKED OUT.

But it’s what’s got to happen. Prolapse after prolapse, my body is telling me something. It’s time to listen. This is one of those risks we hear about when getting in to surrogacy in the first place. One of those scenarios that we accept, but never really think will happen to us. It happens. Thinking of being a surrogate? Understand that along with the amazing magic and life transforming positive that comes out of a journey, this is a possible risk.

Is the risk worth it?

I think so. We were done having our own family, surrogacy didn’t change that. My heart bursts with love and pride when I look at pictures of my stunning surro babies, when I think of the families I have helped create. But surrogacy did have quite a bit more down sides that I’d been prepared for. The loss of many relationships and now this physical complication.. I didn’t count on those. Would I do it again? Yes. But I may have approached things differently if my crystal ball had let me in on just what, exactly, I was getting in to.

Much more to say. I just don’t know how to say it.