“It’s fantastic that surrogates carry our children, but, most of them are paid well for carrying our children (more money then I’ve ever earned in a year)……. I wouldn’t work with a surrogate that wanted an on going friend type of relationship, I have enough friends………….just want this all to be over with and get on to having your family, why can’t we for once in our life be greedy?”

Nothing more than a paid uterus. And “paid well” at that. Not a person. Just a uterus that you’ve hired. How nice for you. How nice for your child, not to have been grown in a loving warm nurturing body, surrounded by good feelings and careful intentions. No, your child was just grown in a paid womb. I’m sure that will bring him/her/them comfort when (if?) they learn about how they came in to the world. Nice for you, to have had the foresight to “pay well” for someone else to sacrifice years of their time, permanent wear and tear on their bodies, and the emotional EFF YOU that comes along with growing a baby that you don’t get to bring home. They’ve been paid, so that’s all that matters, right? Lucky you, getting to purchase your motherhood and being able to totally disregard the process that led to it. Because that’s what you did, right? You paid someone else to do that part for you, a trivial thing, really.

Do I think surrogates and IP’s need to be best of buds? No.  But the attitude, or the feeling of the attitude, that I’m hearing when I read the above quote is so much less than that. It’s insulting and commodifying. You have made surrogacy dirty. The creation of your child: dirty.  And if an Intended Parent  thinks that the money is at ALL enough to make the rest of the experience worth it, you are SO fooling yourself, and you are cheating your child. Yes. You are stealing from your child the comfort that comes along with knowing they were cherished from the moment of conception by the woman that nurtured them. You are taking away from them the warm fuzzies that are rightfully theirs in the knowledge that their surrogate gave up EVERYTHING just for them. Gave up time with her own children, her own health, her body, everything. Because you paid her, that’s all that matters, right? You paid for a uterus, the person attached to it is moot.

Thankful. OH SO thankful that my intended parents have all been so much…….. more…….. than that. More secure, more accepting. More real. More honest. And in the end? More of a parent.

You pay your “uterus” then run away, lady. But know that by doing that? You are less.  And that’s not something you can pay your way out of.

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