This week’s major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that they’ll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you’d find an oversize head and dark spots where their baby’s eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, Jaymee’s baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil bean.Identical twins usually happen by chance. Your likelihood of having identical, or monozygotic, twins (when one fertilized egg divides in half) is about 1 in 250.You may find yourself developing a bit of a split personality — feeling moody one day and joyful the next. Unsettling as this is (especially if you pride yourself on being in control), what you’re going through is normal. Ricocheting emotions are caused partly by fluctuating hormones. But hormones aside, your life is about to change in a big way — and who wouldn’t feel emotional about that?


Week six. On monday I go in for another ultrasound, and we’ll get to see Cletus in all his  lentil glory. And here is where the paranoid lunatic comes out. While we did see just the one little gestational sac when we went in last week, I am completely freaked out about the possibility of twins. It’s irrational, but there you go. I feel this pregnancy. At six ‘effing weeks, I feel this pregnancy. Normally, all I’d be feeling right about now is the smooth cool porcelain of my toilet on my cheek. But no, I feel this pregnancy. Now this is normal… this is my fifth pregnancy! ( yes, I do count the gummy bear we lost.) and my body is all out of whack. For the last four ultrasounds I’ve gone to, all vaginal, the techs, all different, have each commented on how “floppy” my uterus is. Gee, thanks. It will be in one place for *this* part of the scan, they’ll move the ultrasound wand, and all of the sudden my uterus is all the way over *here*. Sweet. A floppy uterus, how attractive. But it makes sense! Those girls utilized their space thoroughly! And a floppy uterus, not completely secure in it’s place in my body, WOULD make me feel the tiny weight and intrusion of my little passenger more obviously. Also, on our last scan, we saw a nicely sized cyst on my right ovary. More then likely this cyst is caused by the massive drug dose I’m living on these days, and will go away on it’s own after I’m weaned off of them, but that, too, could cause me to feel more pregnant then I really am. But I’m just going to say, if we go into that appointment on Monday  and see two little flickers on that screen, showing identical little wee ones, I promise you that I am going to lose my ever loving mind. This is your warning.

It’s not that I didn’t enjoy growing the girls, that’s not the case at all. In fact, all things considered, their pregnancy was really a pretty easy pregnancy! I just got bigger faster and stayed that way longer…. which is why my belly looks like it does. And why I was at the chiropractor weekly for a few months after their birth. But I LUCKED OUT with their pregnancy. Two tiny super healthy little darlings. Tiny being the operative word. They weren’t tiny because they were sickly, under fattened, early or what have you. They were just genetically small. That made all the difference, and it was the reason their pregnancy was as enjoyable as it was. But it WAS my hardest pregnancy. And, while I remember it fondly, it was a nightmare delivery, one that my body will not recover from naturally.  I do need to say, here, in an effort to be completely honest with y’all, that I take a stupid level of pride in that pregnancy and delivery. I give myself massive brownie points, and I know I didn’t earn them. But I give them, anyway. Complication free pregnancy of twins, gestating so happily and healthily that I was induced weeks after the average twin birth happens naturally, birthed them vaginally rather then the automatic belly cut many get, and the girls so healthy that they had NO extra time spent in the hospital, being among the smallest babies for my local hospital to release without NICU time. I give myself brownie points for all of that. And I recognise that a pregnancy like that is a little like being hit by lightning. And what are the odds of things happening like that again? Slim. Also? Mr. Jaymee was a giant at birth. Giant. Gestating two giant babies???? Anyway, I promise to completely freak out.

But here’s the good news. The odds are SO slim that we’ll see two that I also acknowledge how pathetic it is that I even have these thoughts right now. There IS just one happy healthy little baby growing now, and we’ll see a little flicker on that ultrasound screen come Monday. Just you watch…