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Went in today for our follow-up BETA test.

Okay, so ever since I lost that wee little one of P-Daddies, I don’t trust pregnancies. Positive test, yah. Decent BETA number, great. But you really never know when/why/how a pregnancy could end.. be it birth or death. It’s horrifying to me, and I only had to do it once! So I really really want to be just plain excited about this pregnancy. I really really want to just be happy and peaceful and positive about it, because growing a little someone is just simply magic.

We got our BETA results back, and I’ve decided to just fake it till I feel it. Our number was 239…. That’s a doubling time of just over 41 hours, a really great result. It means that today right now this second, this is a happy healthy little bub who is growing just as s/he should.  That is something to feel joy about. Which I do. I’ve decided to…. um…. refuse to feel trepidation or nervousness about the next 9 or so weeks that we’ll still be in the “danger zone”.  Danger zone? What danger zone? We’ll call it, instead, the….. dancing zone ( as in dancing with joy?) or the… dunking zone ( as in, I just know my head will make it to the toilet more then a handful of times in the coming weeks) or the…. delightful zone. Or something. I have decided to give in my need to be painfully optimistic. I have decided to give in to the happy and joy. I’ve got to. Happy vibes and hormones are good for you and I am, after all, pregnant.

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