Most of us have been planning it our whole lives….marriage, house, family. Except what happens when it doesn’t play out that way and six months, even six years later you’re still trying for that baby? Your Reproductive Endocrinologist (aka RE) says your eggs look great, but for whatever reason you can’t get pregnant, or if you do, you miscarry. Your doctor or a friend suggests surrogacy. You shake your head, that’s something only celebrities do — but that’s not necessarily true.
There are many reasons why people pursue surrogacy. Some women have known since birth that they can’t bear a child, while others may have battled cancer or had hysterectomies along the way. When faced with infertility, it is often the only real choice to become a parent outside of adoption. Unfortunately, the media has stirred up a lot of unnecessary fears about surrogacy. We’ve all seen the movies where the surrogate pretends to be pregnant and takes the couple for an emotionally and financially devastating roller coaster ride. Or maybe your local News team aired shocking reports about a surrogate who wants to keep the baby. Well, as former TV producers, we can tell you — it’s just not that interesting to talk about a surrogacy that works. The truth is, that’s what happens with most surrogacies…they work.
The strongest reason for pursuing surrogacy versus adoption is the ability to retain a biological connection with your child. With surrogacy, you have the option to be the biological parent. Of course there are some situations where an egg donor, sperm donor or both are used but even in these cases, surrogacy offers a unique advantage that adoption can’t. With surrogacy, you get to play a significant part in the prenatal care of your baby. You can be there to hear the first heartbeat, you’re present at the 18-week ultrasound to find out your baby’s gender and perhaps most importantly, you can be at the birth to hear your child’s first cry. In many states, your name goes directly on the birth certificate (an agency or lawyer can help you with this information). Basically, since it is a contractual relationship, the baby is yours even before the embryo is transferred to the surrogate’s uterus. You get to make medical decisions and have input in the pregnancy. And unlike an adoption, the surrogate cannot change her mind or take the baby back.
There are two kinds of surrogacy. In a gestational surrogacy, the carrier has NO biological connection with the baby. In a traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is genetically related to the baby. Our personal preference is gestational surrogacy. Sure, it is more expensive — you need to add a reproductive clinic into the equation — but the laws are clearer and the environment is much more controlled. When a reproductive clinic is involved, there’s no chance of ‘faking’ a pregnancy – which unfortunately sometimes happens with traditional surrogacies where home inseminations are done to achieve pregnancy. Even so, in both types of surrogacies, you will need to work with the proper professionals – agency (unless you go independent and that comes with its own challenges), clinics, lawyers, psychologist, escrow company, etc. to ensure that you have a positive experience and outcome. Perhaps the biggest obstacle to overcome with surrogacy is the cost. Unfortunately, there is no way around it… it is a very expensive journey. Most people save for years, mortgage their homes, and borrow the rest from banks or family members, to pursue it. But in the end, when you are holding your child or children, it’s all worth it. While this all may sound daunting, it can be done. Many couples and singles are becoming parents via surrogacy every day. It’s no longer just an option for celebrities. And in many ways, it’s an even surer path to parenthood than adoption, so don’t rule it out when you think you’ve got no choices left at all.
**********************************
Short but sweet. It’s nice to finally run into a real, accurate glimpse into surrogacy. Despite what most of society seems to believe, the bulk of intended parents are average Joes; real people who want to have a family. It’s good to see a tiny article that isn’t a doom and gloom for once.
bumpfairy.wordpress.com 
Great article! Thanks for sharing it!
It is nice to see a positive article on surrogacy. One thing I noticed however is how much “talk” is put into the biological aspect of choosing surrogacy over adoption. I believe for many that that is just a small piece of the puzzle…that there are bigger reasons why people choose surrogacy and not adoption. Since you have this article on your blog I thought I might add what I think are major driving factors:
1. NOT EVERYONE can adopt! Funny how people think that adoption is the anwser, but honestly not everyone is accepted. Single parents, Gay Parents, Parents who are not in 100% tip top shape healthwise, often times can’t adopt. Private adoptions often times the bio-mother chooses the adoptive parents…they look for healthy parents, cripes they can get really choosy and look for certain religious backgrounds.
2. Adoption is a BIG risk. IVF can fail, but so can adoption. If you thought a miscarriage was hard, think about finally having your dream in your arms, caring for it for 29 days (or 3 months, depending on what the procedure is where you live), and then all of a sudden that child is ripped from you on the eleventh hour. The bio-mom changes her mind….your dreams are shattered. That baby you come to love is taken back…I watched my sister in law go through this…it was horrible, like the death of a baby in the family.
3. Often times with adoption comes the Bio-mother. Now I get in ideal surrogacy arrangements it would be nice if every team member remained friends and kept in contact, but in adoption it has a different feel, I believe, the bio-mother will always have that “thing” that the adoptive mother doesn’t. It’s awful to have to always wonder if your being judged by the bio-mother.
4. It’s difficult to get newborns, most adoptions are not newborn or even babies, and it’s a long waiting list often times.
5. Surrogacy helps to ensure the health of the baby. Often times bio-moms are in desperate situations, they didn’t plan for the baby to be, they might have even done bad things and not known they were pregnant, or didn’t care. Babies come out with problems. Surrogates (though there is never a guarentee) generally are in good health, take care of themselves prior and during pregnancy, take the proper pre-natals, eat the right things, don’t drink/smoke/drugs, etc.
6. Surrogacy allows Intented Parents to experience the pregnancy as much as they can. Need I say more? It also allows them to experience and be apart of the delivery….I think that pretty much says it all….who wouldn’t want to be apart of all that?
7. Surrogacy, at least Gestational, with the help of science can help to prevent disabilities in babies and children. If your a risk factor for certain things, there are tests available to test embryos and/or sperm/eggs. With adoption often times you do not know the genetic history of the baby, who died of what, does cancer run in the family, etc.
These are all very big reasons for choosing surrogacy over adoption, much bigger than the “genetic link” that people constantly refer to and use against those who persue surrogacy by saying the parents to be are “vein” that they “have to have a genetic link”, etc. etc.
now in my rss reader)))
————————
sponsored link: http://pedeno.ru/
cool sitename man)))
————————
signature: http://auto-car-loan.xetisa.ru/
now in my rss reader)))
————————
internet signature: http://joneri.ru/
Thumbs up to Amanda’s comment!
Not that I’m totally impressed, but this is a lot more than I expected when I found a link on Digg telling that the info is awesome. Thanks.
Nowadays lots of childless couples from western countries come to Asia especially in India for surrogacy services. This has been become a latest trend among parents in spite of previous adopting child.