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Here we are, mostly through our 33 week. I haven’t been updating, and I’m not sure why.. although I think it’s guilt? I’m on a support forum with several other ladies, all due with twins, who are on bed rest or having big complications. And here I am, kind of sailing through, no real big issues, babies doing well……

To be completely honest, it’s a lot easier then I thought it would be. Much harder then a singleton pregnancy, yes, but much easier then I’d anticipated. We got the “doctors note of death” a few weeks ago warning husband off of any hanky-panky ( which has been difficult ).. and rolling over in bed (actually sleeping at all) is quite a challenge. But for the most part, I’m doing well! I get tired easily, I take frequent breaks, most of my kid-play is on the floor, someone else comes to my home to vacuum ( now THAT has been a blessing!!) and none of my maternity shirts fit ( too short) but for the most part? I was expecting hell and just got a bit of a sun burn. So while I still gripe and complain, I’ll keep it a bit to myself because I have seen just how much worse it can be. We’ve passed many gestational milestones and honestly, I see us going all the way with this. I won’t be surprised if we end up with two New Years babies! Fat, healthy New Years babies.

Boring Stats: As of last Wednesday I’m up a total of 31 pounds, with a 41 week fundal measurement. Ava is head down (YAY!!) and Amelia is still high up and transverse.. which is fine. We just need Ava to line up and Amelia can be retrieved no matter how she decides to sit after Ava’s exit.

We have had some major issues with our ( major) agency.. which have resulted in leaving the agency and working, for the most part, independently. That is a whole other ball of crap that I’m going to leave till the girls are safely home with their daddy.. But word to the wise for any other potential gestational surrogates out there; do your research. Some times things really ARE too good to be true. Pay attention to those negative reviews you run in to; they have more merit then you think. And HIRE AN ATTOURNEY yourself, to look over ALL of the contracts you sign ( including the one between yourself and your agency) because you never know when a loophole will present itself.. and some loopholes are SO BIG that you never see them till you’re dumped on the other side. Vague? Yes. Sorry. I did sign a slander clause that means I’ll need to wait a while to give more details. But something needs to be said. P-Daddy and I are very happily working together over this and really, it has made the journey so much more personal, comfortable, and secure. Hindsight being what it is, if I had it to do all over again I would have gone independently from the beginning.

P-Daddy arrives early next week for the long haul. He’ll fly in Tuesday night and fly home mid January with his children. While I am super giddy over-the-moon exciteed about his arrival and all that that means, I am in a bit of denial over how quickly this has gone; I’m not ready to be finished. I’m not ready for my part in this amazing story to be over. But soon.. soon it won’t be my story any more, it will be theirs. I’m doing what I can to prepare for that, but it’s difficult. For more then a year and a half this has been an obsession to me; gestational surrogacy. I’m a little lost as to what I should do when it’s all done.. does that make sense? Gestational surrogacy doesn’t define who I am.. but I have spent so much time and energy focusing on this, advocating for this, dreaming this and DOING this that I have lost a little bit of the path that I was on before it came in to my life. Now, that is a good thing. Whole new paths that I’d never even dreamed of have opened up to me. But a choice has to be made as to which path I’ll take, and anyone who has shopped with me at a bargain store or seen the multiple marker circles in a catalog of mine knows that I have a hard time making decisions. Once the decision is made, I give it 100%.. but making that choice? Taking that first step? Is hard for me. I’m walking towards the edge of a cliff and a step HAS to be made.. but which one? As Dora (and my daughter) would say; the right path, or the left path?

Right now I’m just going to close my eyes and enjoy the breeze. Enjoy the grass under my feet and fondly remember the view behind me. That step will come fast enough, I don’t need to spend any more time thinking about it. I don’t want to miss ONE STEP on the path that I’m currently on. Eyes off the horizon for me. I’m looking at my feet, loving the journey that I’m on. The path will end; all paths do eventually. Lucky for me, I live in the land of opportunity. I know, when this path ends, there will be a sign somewhere or a magical map ( bridge… Tree… Sabrinas path!! ) pointing me on to my next step, whatever that may be.

Walk with me?