Nerves about tomorrow, an overload of estrogen, nausea, fatigue and a computer on the fritz made today quite aJeckyl and Hyde kind of day.

Tomorrow I’m hoping for a heartbeat or two. In the past, I’ve taken that little detail for granted and learned the hard way that something as simple and as complicated as a heartbeat isn’t a guarantee. I’m getting teased about the possibility of carrying two, but I just can’t seem to convey that I could be carrying one or twenty-three in there… but is there a heartbeat? Because bottom line, that’s all I want. A good strong heartbeat. I’ll get excited about one or two when that first hurdle is past, although I have a feeling I’ll never really get over that need to reassure myself with a heartbeat.

Injections have been going rather well this time! I’ve even gone hard core many a time and just jabbed myself while brushing my teeth, no heat-pack to be seen. Warming the oil and a nice brisk injection rub have prevented most lumps so far, and the discomfort is probably half this time. Used to it? Or an arse of steel that can’t be bothered to notice. Your call.

In the last three or four days I’ve begun a relationship with my stomach that I welcome only slightly. If it’s morning sickness? Welcome! Nice to have you here! Stick around for a bit, will you? If it’s flu? Danm it! I JUST got over a 3 week coughing spree. No thanks. I’ve prepared myself for the occasional queasy moment by getting a pile of Preggy Pops the second I got that double line. The good news? They work! The sour ones are the BEST! The bad news? They taste really good. Like the perfect tart candy. So I eat them more then I should, and those puppies aren’t cheap! Must. Restrain. Self.

I can’t seem to make myself sleep any time before 1am. Just can’t do it. The result? Grumpy asshole come the next day. Lucky for me, husband has been really on the ball in the mornings and several times has let me sleep in quite a bit, wrestling the kids himself. YAY me! But I do need to get that under control somehow.

My computer is dying on me. Husband needs a good full day to mess with it to clean it out as it seems to be full of cotton candy, it’s so useful right now. Till then I’m making due on his temperamental desktop and I gotta say, If I ever lost Internet connection long term I might well go insane. The few hours trapped in my home today with no way to contact the outside world via the net had me in tears. Literally.

But that’s nothing new. I am the world’s biggest arse rag these days. Today I ripped my best friend a new anus over at topic we have already peacefully agreed to disagree on. Then my brother called and I dumped on him for a good hour and a half. I talk to the kid twice a year. Wonder why? I’m blaming it on the massive hormones that are also causing the queasiness ( gawd, it better not be the flu!) and constipation. Oh yah. did I mention that one?

Anyway. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, where I will see a healthy little heartbeat or two. I. Will. See. And hopefully my lovely husband can take the few hours that I’m gone and do something to fix my computer. But just in case he doesn’t? That blood curdling scream you hear? That’s me. I’ve lost my connection but I’ve got an update for you.

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