Oh ick. Advice? Those voyeuristic stalkers I spoke of before just won’t leave well enough alone. Now they are tracking me down via false identities on Surrogacy Support Forums! Seriously! Am I wrong to be weirded out by that? I mean really.. false identities?? I just don’t understand.

What would you do?

 So this is the reply I got when I confronted that person about their stalker-ish behavior:

“since this seems to be the only way to know what is going on with you, this is the avenue I take.”

Now my gut reaction is to respond with a big fat BULLSH*T, as she has my phone number and knows how to use it. Then I remember how disgusted she was with me for undertaking a surrogacy journey with a “stranger” for compensation in the first place. She thinks nothing but negative about this whole life change and hasn’t been shy to express that. So why, I ask, would she want to follow along??? I’m searching deep in my soul to find a positive reason for her continued prying. Not finding much. My gut ( again. I must be just too focused on that area, huh?) says she’s looking for emotional ammunition to swap with her fellows. But then again..

 she IS my sister.

How much weight should I give that fact? And I harming the overall picture; the long term good, by keeping my story from her? Maybe.. maybe when it’s all done, when she sees the (pictures of, etc) new daddy, maybe that will change her thoughts about surrogacy. That IS what I want to do; get the word  out about the beauty of this process. Let people learn by watching.. you know? Show people just one of the beautiful ways a family can be created that isn’t in the little box that society calls “normal”.  But then again.. she’s my sister. I kind of expect unchallenged support from her, anyway. BECAUSE of that. Because my sisters; they know me. Well, I thought they did. I just don’t like the thought of the inevitable pow-wow they will throw ( if you’d ever met my sisters, you’d know what I’m talking about!) at every bit of information not sunshine and roses. Gleefully marinating in it. Stretching and skewing it till it’s unrecognised for what it is. What if I’m just having a “normal” bad day as a big pregnant woman? I know my sisters. They will be on the phone with each other the second my bad day becomes public ( via this blog or a surrogacy support site) and patting each other on the back for being so right in insisting that surrogacy is so wrong. I KNOW them. Do I want the thought of that haunting my every word? I want this site, and any support sites I’m on, to be real. Raw. True. Would it still be? Or would I ( perhaps unconciously, ) soften and pretty up what I’m saying, what I’m experiencing, to protect myself? Just to provide less ammo, while still providing a mostly accurate story?

I don’t want to do that!  I want to be me. I want this to be my story, boogers and all.

 So what should I do? Continue to password-protect? Continue to remain behind secure forum doors? Continue to keep my little world little, but safe? Or open the doors, share it all with everyone, knowing that for whatever harm it causes, it will hopefully provide much more good.. and ignore the booger pointers at the family reunion? I’m tempted… sorely tempted… to just remove all passwords ( except those posts that are just mine. I am that selfish!) and go streaking across the world wide web with this journey. Blunt, brutal honesty. And if you don’t like it, that’s your problem.

 This is how I responded to her:

[My]  journey is just that. MINE. It is mine to share or not to share. How dare you think you are “owed” any information about it at all. Do you see ME calling your Gyno to see how your last pap went? How about your work.. Should I call there and pretend to be someone to get a copy of your performance review? Or I could just collect your garbage; see if you have any overbalance credit cards or love notes to strangers. No. Because that is none of my business. And if you have an abnormal pap and are scared, or get a glowing ( or horrible) review at work, that is YOUR journey to choose to share or not. How dare you think you have a right to that same, personal, confidential, life information about me. That is MY story. To share, or not to share. You aren’t OWED one second of it.
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So now a decision. To share? For the greater good? Or not to share? For the good of myself?
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