A Small Burst of Steam

Just a few days ago the insurance coverage purchased for this pregnancy at a premium price notified us that as of the 26th of June there were no longer any providers or hospitals in our area still in contract with them.

P-daddy paid a LOT for this insurance. More then some people make in a year. And now? No one here will take it. Or they will take it, but are not a “preferred provider” so the insurance only pays out a small portion.

This, quite understandably, concerns us. But the insurance rep and our agency rep who refuse to give us any answers, promise call backs but don’t follow through, and string us along? Make us angry.  OK, well it makes ME angry. I assume anger on the part of P-Daddy.

“Oh, we’ll help her find another provider!” Yet oddly, according to their provider search website, there isn’t one. In all of Oregon.

More to follow. Bottom line, things are quite the clusterfark right now, and we really don’t know what to do about it. He’s already purchased the coverage; it is his. He purchased it for more then the normal care and delivery bills will be ( a “just in case/emergency”) policy.  And now? It seems to be somewhat useless.

The Curse of the No-See-Ums

Bladder bursting, I went into my ultrasound appointment this morning with more then a little nervous twitching. My tech was very nice, if somewhat aloof. After stripping my better half ( No. “M” wasn’t there, MY better half.) and settling on that oh-so-comfy table, she got to work. Kidneys? All present and accounted for! Bladder? PRESENT! (”do you need to go empty your bladder some??!”). Hmmm….. fetal sack, yes ..yolk…..Yes.

And Yes again.

Two baby beginnings? Check.

What we didn’t see? Heartbeats.

Each sack is measuring a few days early. 5 weeks 1 day and 5 weeks 3 days. Today I am 5 weeks 6 days pregnant. It is a notable difference this early on, especially when we have a minute of conception so do know exactly how “old” this pregnancy is. Conclusive? Far from it. It isn’t unheard of for babies to measure differently in the beginning. Ours just do so against our exacting calculations. Not to worry, things look great for this stage of pregnancy ( assuming the pregnancy is 2-3 days younger then we know it to be). My RE isn’t worried, but has scheduled me for another ultrasound next week so that we can SEE those little pittering hearts.

The tech and I both think we saw them; the tiniest little flicker on the edge of the bean shaped black bubble that is the fetal sack. There was a flicker. It was there. In both of them. But the flicker was just too small to say for sure that YES, that is a heartbeat. So we’ll wait yet another week.

You must know that this is killing me. I needed heartbeats today. I just…. did. And while I know that they probably are there, waiting yet another week to find out is just  mean.

But I promise to forgive them if they are pitter-pattering next week!

A Case Full of Baskets.

Nerves about tomorrow, an overload of estrogen, nausea, fatigue and a computer on the fritz made today quite aJeckyl and Hyde kind of day.

Tomorrow I’m hoping for a heartbeat or two. In the past, I’ve taken that little detail for granted and learned the hard way that something as simple and as complicated as a heartbeat isn’t a guarantee. I’m getting teased about the possibility of carrying two, but I just can’t seem to convey that I could be carrying one or twenty-three in there… but is there a heartbeat? Because bottom line, that’s all I want. A good strong heartbeat. I’ll get excited about one or two when that first hurdle is past, although I have a feeling I’ll never really get over that need to reassure myself with a heartbeat.

Injections have been going rather well this time! I’ve even gone hard core many a time and just jabbed myself while brushing my teeth, no heat-pack to be seen. Warming the oil and a nice brisk injection rub have prevented most lumps so far, and the discomfort is probably half this time. Used to it? Or an arse of steel that can’t be bothered to notice. Your call.

In the last three or four days I’ve begun a relationship with my stomach that I welcome only slightly. If it’s morning sickness? Welcome! Nice to have you here! Stick around for a bit, will you? If it’s flu? Danm it! I JUST got over a 3 week coughing spree. No thanks. I’ve prepared myself for the occasional queasy moment by getting a pile of Preggy Pops the second I got that double line. The good news? They work! The sour ones are the BEST! The bad news? They taste really good. Like the perfect tart candy. So I eat them more then I should, and those puppies aren’t cheap! Must. Restrain. Self.

I can’t seem to make myself sleep any time before 1am. Just can’t do it. The result? Grumpy asshole come the next day. Lucky for me, husband has been really on the ball in the mornings and several times has let me sleep in quite a bit, wrestling the kids himself. YAY me! But I do need to get that under control somehow.

My computer is dying on me. Husband needs a good full day to mess with it to clean it out as it seems to be full of cotton candy, it’s so useful right now. Till then I’m making due on his temperamental desktop and I gotta say, If I ever lost Internet connection long term I might well go insane. The few hours trapped in my home today with no way to contact the outside world via the net had me in tears. Literally.

But that’s nothing new. I am the world’s biggest arse rag these days. Today I ripped my best friend a new anus over at topic we have already peacefully agreed to disagree on. Then my brother called and I dumped on him for a good hour and a half. I talk to the kid twice a year. Wonder why? I’m blaming it on the massive hormones that are also causing the queasiness ( gawd, it better not be the flu!) and constipation. Oh yah. did I mention that one?

Anyway. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, where I will see a healthy little heartbeat or two. I. Will. See. And hopefully my lovely husband can take the few hours that I’m gone and do something to fix my computer. But just in case he doesn’t? That blood curdling scream you hear? That’s me. I’ve lost my connection but I’ve got an update for you.

Oh You Foolish, Foolish Girl. And, Where I Justify My Gluttony.

Flew down to LA on Sunday morning. Easy flight, great tailwind, ended up arriving a good half hour early. YAY for short flights! A driver was scheduled to pick me up and I was thrilled to find out I had the same driver this time as last; Carlos. I LOVE Carlos. He is a careful but quick driver. I never get the least bit sick in his car, and that man can sure hold a conversation! Interesting fact; there is an oil drilling machine just off the football field of the high school near his house. Huh.

Anyway. Dropped my bags at the LeMontrose in West Hollywood and was promptly tossed into the car by the lovely Casey, an on-line surrofriend. She had another surro Stacy with her ,and the three of us went to pickup P-Daddy. We ended up in a lovely cafe for brunch along with the wonderful Kari and her IF’s. Stacy and Kari had transferred on Friday and were on their way home. It was so wonderful to see them all, and WOW the estrogen at that table!

Monday was the day.

P-Daddy and I were both very nervous about the fertilization report; the odds were against us. Imagine our surprise to learn that not only did all eight continue on their merry little way, but 2 of the eight were A+ quality, and 5 of the others were expected to reach the ultimate perfection that is A+ by the following day, when they would be frozen. The relief in that room was immense. Thrilled.

So here they are; the lucky two that we happily transferred Monday morning.

Hopefully ready to snuggle in ( well, one of them, preferably) and make themselves at home for the next… oh… 38 weeks.

Yes, those are oven mitts on the transfer table stirrups. No, i don’t know why. But my feet appreciated them just the same.

I did all of the good-luck rituals I could think of. Green clothing? Check.

Not one but TWO desserts? Check.

French fries? Check.

Pineapple? Check.

Spend quality time with an intended father willing to go the distance to keep me happy during my enforced 36 hours of bed-rest? Including and not limited to schlepping his laptop all over the city for my amusement and…. gifting himself with a minor concussion? Check.

 

Not pictured? The amazing good luck bracelet loaned to me by a fellow sassy surrogate and the POUNDS of cookies P-Daddy got for me from Trader Joes, also a good luck omen.

It was a good trip. It will be a great trip as soon as I see double. Soon, I’m sure. In the mean time, it was just plain awesome getting to spend those days with P-Daddy. I’ll never forget it.

 

Three days. In three days, nothing in my house is safe; I will be peeing on everything. You never know what will give you that positive result! And POSITIVE, it will be!

 

Where I Gnash my Teeth and Curse the Heavens in a Horribly Selfish Tantrum. Oh, and Good News.

Date is set: Monday, the 28th. I’ll fly in Sunday night and fly home Tuesday morning. Our lovely egg donor has 19 very promising looking follicles, but won’t go in for retrieval and an official count until the 23rd.

You just did the math. That means we’re transferring BLASTS, and not 3-day embryos. YAY for peeing sooner, CRAP DANG for the transfer of more then one.

~sigh~

A calculated risk, but still.

And the icing on my estrogen enhanced and incredibly pissy cake is this: two of my surrogate friends are also doing a transfer at the same time. We all started E2V at the same time. Our donors all started their meds at the same time. And THEY transfer on Friday. Friday. There will be two surrogates transferring, two surrogates coming in to visit, and P-Daddy all hanging out and having a fun transfer get-together. And when everyone goes home I fly in.  Damn it. I KNOW how pathetic it is of me to be frustrated over that. I fully blame it on the meds, because I am irrationally pissed. But I was really looking forward to meeting everyone. And really looking forward to being part of the “party” before and during the transfer. And now I’ll just be there for the hangover. The “fun” will be over, P-Daddy will just be looking forward to going home, and my surro friends will all be back in their living rooms with their feet up talking about all the fun they had on their transfer trip. Not only transfer, but meeting other Sassies Surros! Yay and way fun! :pouts:

Yes, that completely misses the point. We have eggs! And more then likely a count higher then two! And we’re going in for TRANSFER! To make a BABY! And all of that is super exciting and fun and wonderful and magical and just what I’ve been looking forward to!  It is the ultimate dessert.

But I wanted the sprinkles on top, too! :stamps foot, whines:

I will get over it. I have been SO bitchy this week, the estrogen has really started to take it’s toll on me.  My last “girls night out” before a 10 month pregnancy really fizzled, we’ve just moved, our cat may have a hip problem, my husband just bought “me” a laser printer/scanner/fax ( Fax? really? we don’t even have a phone line. And when was the last time I needed a printer for anything other then pictures.. which a laser can’t do) for my early Mothers day present with imaginary surplus funds, and twice in the last week we’ve gotten cheater-dinner from fast food restaurants, and BOTH TIMES they have managed to completely f’ up my order. Just mine though. The kids and DH’s are always good.  This is just one more little insignificant thing that is bugging me that I’ll just deal with and laugh about later.

OK look. I know I am being petty. It’s like PMS times a thousand. But damn.

Really though,  I AM super excited about transfer. I’m so glad we have a date, and that so far this cycle for our donor will be a good one and we’ll get some good eggs to work with. I am excited, I swear! If I could just get over this stupid chemically-induced funk I’m in, I’d be able to articulate how excited for this transfer!

LOOK!! DON’T I SOUND EXCITED! BECAUSE I AM, DAMN IT!

Looking forward to some progesterone on the 24th to even out this hormonal roller-coaster.

Because Letter Bombs Aren’t Very Nice.

Life has become a practice in patience. Wait……. wait……… wait……….. HURRY UP!!!…. and wait.

“Our” egg donor is the current issue. We have one wee little frozen blast that hasn’t been given very good odds so we need a fresh donation.. but our donor is… stalling? Or the agency is stalling? No one seems to have a clear answer other then that P-Daddy should hand over another pile of money. The ED does not want to cycle and monitor in LA this time. She wants to do so locally, which will cost quite a few additional pennies to do. There is a second choice but “we’re” not getting any quick answers about availability. Come to think of it, I don’t think we have that info about the original ED either?

COME ON, People! Get your heads out of your……. Well, wake up, anyway. We’ve got some baby making to do here and you certainly aren’t helping!

A Mini-Whoop!

Well. My RE did NOT recommend P-Daddy use another surrogate. Whoop! Well, Mini whoop anyway. Egg donor has to be re-screened for another transfer and that can take anywhere from 2 to 6 additional weeks, so a March transfer is pretty much out of the question and an April transfer is looking unlikely as well. Waiting is fine, unsure waiting not so much. I’m really just hoping she responds better then she did last time and get more then 2 “OK” embies to work with! We only had one to save from her last donation and we have to go through that whole process again simply because that one wasn’t so great to begin with; the odds of it thawing happily and having a successful transfer are pretty slim.  Please, give us a nice bunch to work with so that we have more then one shot at this! And also… some to save for a sibling in a few years, perhaps?? Asking too much? Yah. Probably.

Have to say, though, I am relieved to at least have the question of my participation behind me. I’m still in this “game” and that is such a weight off of my shoulders!

Side note: I’ve been going to the gym now for a month, at least 5 days a week. Pushing-pushing myself to get my cycle and pregnancy fluff off so that I am at a great starting point for another pregnancy. Happy to say I’m getting there! I’m only down 2 pounds ( which is better then the up 4 pounds I was 2 weeks ago) but I’m starting to feel better. Big thumbs up, self shoulder pat kind of stuff. So YAY for getting thin so that I can happily get fat again!!!!

Next up; a cycle calendar. Hoping for news about her screening and a time-line there so that I know what I’m going to be doing and when.