A Healthy Debate to Pass the Time

I recently came across this article on Gay Marriage and I’ve got to say, it is so spot on with how I think and feel I’m shocked I didn’t write it. Yes, am full of self. Anyway, I thought i’d pass it on as one: it’s a good conversation starter and two: the more people are talking, the further we’ll come as a society in resolving these issues.

Anyone Out There Who Can Explain the Gay Marriage Thing?
By Jacob Dickerman

Is there anyone out there who can explain to me why gay marriage is a problem?

There are issues which are contentious in this country that I have a definite side on. Abortion, for example. I understand where the other side is coming from, I understand where the argument is, I just don’t agree with the pro-lifers. There are other issues where I’m more confused, mostly because I understand both sides of the issue. Gun control, for example, is an issue that has flipped back and forth in my head so much over the years, it gives me a headache just thinking about it. I get it, you know? On the one hand, they kill people, on the other hand, I believe the founders of our country recognized that this new government they were creating would be fallible and would have the ability to become tyrannical, and they believed that if that happened, the people had the right to change that government. Part of the reason for the second amendment is so that all the guns aren’t in the hands of the military, and to be frank, though I think that point of view is a little crazy and I think we’re further away from it being a necessity than we’ve been since Gingrich decided to try and impeach Clinton due to a BJ, it’s something I can hold on to for that side of the debate. It’s something that makes it clearer to me. But Gay Marriage? No. I don’t get that one at all.

Since, apparently, about fifty percent of the country disagrees with me on this one, I was hoping that a couple of them could actually try and explain a rational reason to me why gay men and women shouldn’t be allowed to get married. What I don’t get about it is that well… my fellow straight people, it’s got nothing to do with us. Except of course it might help out the noun issue when talking to our gay friends of more advanced age. You know what I mean. When you’re hanging out with your gay friend who’s in his mid thirties, and you want to ask about Tom, that guy he’s been with for a decade, the noun’s a pain in the ass. Partner? What is it, are they in business together? Boyfriend? They’re in their mid thirties, the term doesn’t fit. Manfriend? That’s the stupidest damn phrase you can make. You know what term would make it easier? Husband. Of course, until they were married, you couldn’t use that one, but once they were? Husband. Clear pronoun, everyone knows what it means, would make the linguistics of our daily life that little bit easier.

So here’s what I’m looking for in an argument against gay marriage. First off? Clarity. I don’t want to have to read through your argument fourteen times to start to see what it means. As a side note – punctuation and vowels are what make written language work. Please try and make sure that they’re there. Secondly? Logic. I don’t want an emotional argument. Civil rights are not about what you like and what you don’t like. We live in a representative democracy that’s supposed to be built on the equality of all citizens, regardless of creed, race, or orientation. If the country actually is founded on the family, how exactly will it hurt the country to legally recognize a few more families? Third, I want a real argument. Don’t pull shit out of your ass and tell me I can digest it again. Don’t tell me that gay people make bad parents, because that’s a) never been shown to be true, b) in my own anecdotal experience (not really useful data, but you should know my own bias) been shown to be false. And if it’s all about “a kid needs a male and a female parent” than we should just outlaw single parent households now. As soon as one parent dies, the kids are thrown into an orphanage, to protect them from not having a mommy or a daddy.

So what have you got? Economics? I should mention here that weddings are a multi-BILLION dollar industry in this country, and that I have no doubt that making gay marriage legal would throw tons of additional money into that system. Devaluing straight marriage? Why? How is it that two people saying “I love you and I want to be with you forever” effects your marriage in any way, shape, or form? I just want to know if there’s anything in your arguments outside of just being uncomfortable with gay people.

Really, I’m not trying to be facetious in this article. I don’t get it. Really. I don’t get it at all, and I want someone to explain it to me, because I don’t like not understanding things. Realize that we’re not talking about religion here, we’re talking about civil rights. If your church/synagogue/mosque decides to not allow gay weddings, well that’s a private issue, not a public one. They can do that anyway with straight people. They probably won’t, but they can, because they’re private institutions and not bound by the same restrictions as legal ones.

Please. Someone out there, just explain it to me. I don’t like not understanding you. What’s the argument against gay marriage?

Some comments about this issue.

Regarding the vehement stance that Gay rights aren’t due the same respect in defense as the rights of other minority groups:

For 400 years of America, we have been decried from the pulpits and religious meetings. We have been burned at the stakes. We have been hung, beaten, raped, murdered, and destroyed. We have been the subject of fears and trepidation. Parents were told to have us fixed. And they tortured us with electricity charging through our genitals to make us … Read More straight. Our young ones kill themselves just so they can avoid being one of us. And when we escape to make a life for ourselves, they prevent the person of our choice from holding our hand when we leave this world.

And these were the good years. 2000 years before that was worse. I know that there are other groups that have been treated terribly. But don’t start saying ours is not as important or as valuable.

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Well, I see it as a civil rights issue for one plain and simple reason: the US Supreme Court has declared marriage as a “basic civil right” (Loving v. Virginia). Therefore, to deny law-abiding citizens access to a basic civil right that is even afforded to convicted felons seems wrong to me.

Someone earlier asked what would happen if we compared this matter to Jewish people instead of African-Americans. The historical precedent for Prop 8 lies in the Nuremberg laws, which stated that Jews were forbidden to marry German citizens. It’s directly analogous as a result. Furthermore, homosexuals were put in concentration camps as well.

The most dangerous aspect of Prop 8 is that we now have precedent for an angry majority to take away rights from anyone whom they decide they don’t like. What’s next? No more suffrage for women? A return to coverture laws and the Chinese exclusion act? All it takes is the votes …… Read More

Signed,
A Straight Ally for Equality

Moving Right Along……

So! Last Friday I loaded my little family up into the “road trip minivan” and headed north to Portland. Why? Would I willingly and eagerly travel three hours with two toddler/preschoolers in a small hot box.. on purpose?

The answer… Jaymee & Hubs.

After dropping our irritated and overly excited children off with my mother ( thanks Mom,) DH and I sprinted over (getting lost a few times)  to the hotel where we found, on the curb, the two bubbliest people on planet earth. We shoved them into the back seat and drove them to dinner…. thankfully the people we kidnapped were the right ones and Jaymee, her DH, my DH and I had a FAB meal together. It was like sitting down with old/new friends. So casual and comfortable, right from the start. Perfect.

I ate Alaskan crab legs. Apparently that is a requirement for proper Jaymee-Baby gestation; the consumption of shellfish. Oky Doky, will do… I’ve never had real crab but I am a fan of Deadliest Catch, and this particular tasty treat had arrived fresh from the “Catch” crew themselves, so eating it was almost mandatory when dining if I want to maintain my place in the fan club.

After eating entirely too much and taking way too long to do it ( we were gone over three hours!) we called it a night and headed home for a wee bit of shuteye for the long day ahead of us. Bright and early the next morning we again met up with my fancy new Intended Parents ( and again, got lost) & trekked our mini-van arses on over to the Portland Zoo so that they could get to know my kookie family. Jaymee spent the better part of the day proving over and over what an incredible mother she’s going to be. 
 

My kids hopped in and out of that little stroller buggy a thousand times, walking till tired and riding till too cooped up. She was either pushing them around in that tonnage, or holding a little hand to go explore. My kids LOVED her and her husband is just one of the group, the kids thought he was FUN FUN ( with the fanciest “pretty arms” they had ever seen) & he proved to be the biggest teddy bear we came across that whole day. Soon enough it was time to call it quits and hugs were passed around. I think we all learned what we wanted to learn on this little weekend trip. Jaymee left that day with signed complete contracts in her purse. I left that day with a huge smile in my heart, bubbling with happiness at how awesome this little family already is and how great it’s going to be when they finally have their wee little one to complete it.

I can’t wait.

New Life/ New World Administrators

Just wanted to send a word of caution out there to any surros or intended parents who are using or are considering using this insurance company. My surro twins are nearly 5 months old and I still have a large medical bill in their name due to nonpayment by New World Administrators. I am being aggressively pursued by collections agencies. I have been told on three separate occasions via e-mail and phone that “the bills have just been received for re-pricing and the checks will be mailed out with this weeks payments” and no payments have actually been sent. I was first assured of this two months ago. My phone calls and e-mails for this latest round of collections notices have not been returned.
I have been in contact with a group of surrogates who are also having problems with this company and we are considering banding together to form a class action lawsuit/ consumer fraud case. I welcome others who have had these issues to contact me so we can see what we can do together to get this resolved.

A Day that Honors Women, Period.

moth·er ¹ (mr)

n.

1. A woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child.

2. A female parent of an animal.

3. A female ancestor.

4. A woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility similar to that of a mother: a den mother.

5. Roman Catholic Church

a. A mother superior.

b. Used as a form of address for such a woman.

6. A woman who creates, originates, or founds something: “the discovery of radium, which made Marie Curie mother to the Atomic Age” Alden Whitman.

7. A creative source; an origin: Philosophy is the mother of the sciences.

8. Used as a title for a woman respected for her wisdom and age.

9. Maternal love and tenderness: brought out the mother in her.

10. The biggest or most significant example of its kind: the mother of all battles.

11. Vulgar Slang Something considered extraordinary, as in disagreeableness, size, or intensity.

adj.

1. Relating to or being mother.

2. Characteristic of a mother: mother love.

3. Being the source or origin: the mother church.

4. Derived from or as if from one’s mother; native: one’s mother language.

tr.v. moth·ered, moth·er·ing, moth·ers

1. To give birth to; create and produce.

2. To watch over, nourish, and protect maternally.

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How does this word not, in some way or another, apply to each and every woman that has ever lived? Heck, it even seems to apply to quite a few men out there! Mothers Day has once again come and gone, and the Internet is flooded with stories, some happy, some sad, and some downright angry.  Women the world over have an opinion and emotions surrounding this special day, and I figure it’s about time I put my two cents out there.

I’ve been following infertility and assisted reproduction blogs for years. Most of the infertile people I follow had stories of sadness to share. Upset that their children weren’t with them yet, Mothers Day represents longing for them and it isn’t a happy day at all. To these women I say stand up! Your children aren’t with you yet, but you are a mother still. You are a mother to your friends whom you love and support. You are a mother to your pets that you care for. You are a mother to the earth that you tend so lovingly. Mothers Day is for you. It is about you.

I’ve also read many posts by women who are childless by choice. Mothers day represents something different to these women. A fake “holiday” all about consumer purchasing that downplays the role of women in general and focuses simply on those women who play the role of the traditional mother. To these women I say look around! YOU are a mother yet. You are a mother to yourself in your creativity and productivity in society. You are a mother to those things that you care for, be it a furry friend or a houseplant.

Mothers day is so much more then honoring those women who raise our next generation. It is a day about women, and those few men who also nurture. It is  day to celebrate all that is soft and loving about our society. Mothers day is about and for every person, regardless of child status. Take this time to appreciate those around you who mother. Those that mother children, those that mother friends and family, those that tend to the earth in their mothering. This should never be a day of sadness, anger or regret but rather a day to recognise the many ways that the women around you are fantastic, simply because they are women. Next Mothers day, knock on your neighbors door and compliment her on her beautiful garden. Wish her a happy Mothers Day. Write a note to your childfree-by-choice workmate and appreciate all she contributes to your workplace. Wish her a happy Mothers Day. And give a gentle hug to your infertile friend, acknowledging her longing and express your appreciation for how well she supports you in all that you do. And wish her a happy Mothers Day. Because Mothers day is about our women and how they mother. Period.

Ava and Amelia mailed me the stunning flowers pictured along with a little note; “Happy Mothers Day to the best surromom ever! Wishing you a beautiful day. ” While the flowers are gorgeous, it was the note that made my day.