Twin Bellies; The Fun Starts Early

A 23 Week Surprise

A Little Special Secret

While P-Daddy was here for his visit he stayed in Daughters room. Because of that, nap time was spent cuddling with Mama in my room, which was awesome.

I hadn’t brought up the babies to her yet. She’s almost 4 and just barely grasps the whole “baby in belly” concept so I didn’t want to tell her about them until it was both very obvious (um HELLO! Huge belly now!) and easy to grasp…. as in, she’d met P-Daddy. One of our afternoon cuddles seemed like the perfect time to let her in on the fun.

She has been really interested in “family” for a while now. One of her favorite games is to ask who my cousin is, or to tell me that Grambonn is my Mom, and Grammie is my “Grambonn”, etc. This can go on all day as she lists off people she barely remembers and tries to fit them into our “family”. She was telling me all about how she was my baby, and that Brother was my baby, and how Cousin M was Aunt’s baby, etc…. so I leaned over and whispered to her

“Daughter…. do you want to know a fun secret surprise??!!”

“WHAT IS IT!!!!?” she yelled back.

” Do you see my big belly? It’s so big, isn’t it! Well guess what! You know how ladies can grow babies in their bellies? Like how I grew you? And how boys can’t grow babies in their bellies? Well P-Daddy really wanted to be a daddy. He REALLY wanted to have kids that were all his own. But he CAN’T!!”

“WHY???!!!” she seemed outraged on his behalf. Hearing that in my head still kind of makes me giggle.

“Because he’s a BOY!! And boys can’t carry babies in their bellies, can they?! So guess what. I’m growing his babies for him!! Isn’t that neat! There are two babies in my belly right now! They are two girl babies, and they are P-Daddy’s babies! And I will grow them in my belly until they are big enough to come out and go to P-Daddy’s house! And maybe he’ll let you hold them when they come out of my belly before they go to their home with their Daddy, won’t that be FUN??!! Then they will be  part of his family!”

“Yes! And I can hold them and I can sing to them and I can pat them on the head! SOFTLY!”

“Yes! Maybe you can!”

And that was it. She quickly changed the subject to how funny her kitty was. I am very glad it went so smoothly, I was worried that she wouldn’t really “get” it. Since then she regularly pats “the babies” through my ever growing belly ( “softly, Mama. You pat babies softly.”) , likes to rest her head on my belly when we watch TV together so that she can “hear” them, and asks, a billion times a day when P-Daddy will come back to visit with her because she REALLY likes him and when is he coming to get his babies and are the babies ready to come out of my belly now and are they growing big big just like her and can she maybe hold them and pat them softly when the babies come and are they ready to come now? how about now? now?

Can she sing them a song?

So, um yah. Daughter knows about the babies! And she knows they aren’t ours, that they won’t live in our house, and wow, my belly sure is BIG, huh?! It’s not much of a secret any more, and I couldn’t be happier about it!

There’s Always A Flip Side

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you wake up but it still takes a few moments to convince yourself that it was a dream, and not real at all?

I dreamt that myself and my children were living in a “surrogate house” with many other surrogates. We lived there until these babies were born, then happily said goodbye to them as they left out the front door with their father. The woman who ran the surrogate house came up to me;

“OK, your job here is done! It’s time for you to leave.”

So I gathered together my children and all of their belongings, heading for the big door out. We said goodbye to all the other surrogates as we walked, my daughter skipping ahead of me. She bounded out the front door and into the waiting car and just as I reached those big doors to follow her I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Wait,” she said.

“He needs to stay here. Say your goodbye’s.”

She was pointing at my son. My son.

“But he is mine,” I said, distress creeping into my voice, “This boy is mine!”

“No, he is waiting here for his father. Your job with him is done. ” and she gently grasped his hand and pulled him back a step.

A jolt of shock ran through my body and I instinctively stepped back, my heart stopped. That step was enough; the big doors closed in front of me and I heard the deadbolt close.

My son. They had my son.

I woke up in a panic, tears running down my cheeks. It was 3 in the morning and I just *couldn’t* get out of the dream. My chest was tight, I was filled with a feeling of dread. I swear I almost ran out of my room and into his where I saw him, safe and sound of course, asleep in his bed. As I climbed in beside him and pulled his little body close to mine I am ashamed to admit that I had a tiny moment of anger. Anger at the big belly that was stopping me from wrapping my body protectively around his just like I had done when he was a baby. He snuggled in and I fell into a peaceful and dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

I don’t know what it means and really, that doesn’t matter. But this dream was definitely a peek at the down side to surrogacy. So far things have been very positive and beautiful. Even our loss in January had a positive outcome with these two little ladies. But that dream; that nightmare. It was so real. My heart still hurts thinking about it. I get a little flash of terror.  That, too, is a gift of this surrogacy.

There’s always a flip side.

Just Shy of 22 Weeks Pregnant

Ahhhh, the belly breeze.

So Maybe I Should Update, You Think?

Well our big 20 week appointments have come and gone, as has P-Daddy. He arrived on Wednesday and flew home at sparrows fart on Monday morning. My kids couldn’t have BEEN more thrilled at his visit. Seriously. My daughter has a new “Prince” now and my son has been weeping over the loss of his best playmate EVAH for days. We all very much look forward to his long visit in December.

As far as medical mumbo jumbo, I’m up a total of 13 pounds ( woo hoo!!!) my pee looks yellow and sugar free, and both of the babies are happily head down in a wee bit of a diagonal configuration. Oh. And that other thing. You know, the picture thing? Here, I’ll just show you……………….

In the waiting room……………………

I think I have some introductions to make! I’d like to present the babies formerly known as Dolce and Gabbana. Readers please welcome to the belly Ava and Amelia, two of the soon to be most spoiled little girls a home has ever seen. Yes, that’s right! P-Daddy is having two GIRLS!!!!!! I am so excited for him!! Ava, the baby on the top picture who is on the bottom of the belly, weighs in at 11 ounces. Amelia ( sitting on top of her sister in real life, in the lower picture here) is slightly heavier at 12 ounces.  Both girls are VERY VERY active so the ultrasound scan took a while, but oh my gosh. Two. Wiggly. Girls!!!! Totally fun.

After the ultrasounds and appointments Friday, we HAD to go out to dinner to celebrate. And since I’m the fat one that needs to gain weight and eat lots ( yay yay yay!!!!) I got to pick, so of course we went to Mexican dinner!!!

I ate an obscene amount of food. You know, for the babies.

And had me one of these:

Because an absurdly pink drink was definitely called for ( sissy style.) My husband and best buddy joined us and we had the best giggly meal, it was awesome!

Since we knew who I was carrying, some insane shopping was absolutely necessary. Saturday morning I packed P-Daddy up and we headed to the city to get his shop’ on! We started out our journey with a nice frosty brew:

and drove up to Portland where we picked up my mother. Now she’s never met P-Daddy so I’m not sure what she expected.. but I do know that she loved him! I also know that she confided in him that she wore a DRESS while away on a paddling trip, a wee bit of info she hasn’t shared with any of her children. Because she was so open with him, we decided to confide a bit in her as well. That’s right, you’ve all guessed it. We’re actually super secret agents.

Or just a little strange. You take your pick.

We all went out to Olive Garden where I once again ate too much ( was too busy stuffing my face to take pictures, sorry) then headed over to Babies-R-Us where the real fun began!! Clothes and playpens and this and that and OOH look over here!!! It was insane. But he ended up with a cart full of the basics and a good start to fluffing his nest when his little ladies come home.

A long drive home saw us both passed out in bed within minutes of unloading. It was a great day in the city and a great visit with P-Daddy overall. An awesome weekend, I am SO glad we got to spend this time together. Now it’s just a countdown to December when we get to play again and oh, right, have some babies!!