16 weeks Pregnant; What I See When I Look Down

Today Would Have Been Her Birthday

I am thankful to have had the time with her that I did, thankful for what having and losing her changed in me, and thankful to have learned about myself what I did.

Happy day, little one.  You won’t be forgotten.

15 weeks 4 days

Things are chugging right along here in twin-land. I had my 14 week appointment last week and both of the wee little ones were looking great! I even got a bonus in-office ultrasound done just to reassure myself of their existence. I’m also down half a pound. Huh. I eat constantly, but I can’t seem to fit as much food in the ol’ luggage case as I used to so maybe that’s the difference. I’m in maternity clothes full time now, but my belly really seems more food baby then wriggily babies. Soon I’m hoping they will have a growth spurt and I’ll look a little more pregnant and a little less “lay off the candies”.

I got a call from my OB about the blood work from the BUN scan. “Things all look great!” but really that doesn’t mean anything. I was surprised at the call though. I have to go back to the lab in a few weeks to get the 2nd half of the blood work completed so that we can get the official results. I’m not worried.

OK so I know I have a ton of really fancy topics to discuss, but I seem to have lost my mojo. I’m tired all the time. I’m really putting in extra effort to make sure my kids get the full 100% due to them and because of that I really don’t have much left for anything else. Creative writing? Pishaw. I’d rather sit quietly with a mind numbing book. Make dinner? With, like, real food? Um, can we just have soup? The energy, after playing and entertaining and breaking up fights, is just not there. Lucky for me, Husband is changing his work schedule. In a month he’ll be home at 2:30 every day. I can NOT wait. Granted, he’s also going to school full time but many days it will really feel like I’ve got some serious parenting help around here and right now that sounds divine.

Our big 20 week ultrasound has been scheduled for the end of August. P-Daddy will be flying in and staying with us for several days, and we are all really looking forward to that! He will be sleeping in Daughters top bunk which, to her, means that Chirstmas, her birthday, and all things good have all happened at the same time. What can I say, the girl loves to share! BOY is he in for some culture shock! Now all I have to do is come up with some sort of.. entertainment. If any of you locals have some ideas there, feel free to pass them on!

OK I’m done now. Someone is screaming and I have to pee. This is me leaving.

Twin Pregnancy: Weeks 12-16

We’re just at 14 weeks pregnant and I thought it might be fun to share what the ol’ internet has to say about things!

 

By twelve weeks, your once called embryo is now called a fetus. At twelve weeks each of your developing babies will weigh approximately 20 grams. At the beginning of week 13, each of your twins will resemble the familiar tadpole looking image! Although the babies do not have any obvious organization of movement yet, if seen on ultrasound you will notice reflexive motions. By 16 weeks the twins will each weigh around 120 grams! What amazing growth! They will also reach a length of about four inches long. By sixteen weeks, the devloping twins can swallow and the kidneys begin to operate. The production of urine by the fetus contributes to the amniotic fluid. Your babies are now beginning to show some control over its environment.

In most pregnancy, nausea should be diminishing or may even be completely gone. You should be enjoying a hearty appetite. At times you may feel ravenous and that is okay. Follow the dietary guidelines that your caregiver has given you and enjoy nourishing your babies!! If you are still experiencing cravings, that is fine, but do discuss any extreme cravings with your doctor. You may need an additional supplement or vitamin.

Vaginal discharge that is white and creamy in texture is common and should not be cause for concern. Any discharge that is any color besides white or is associated with other symptoms should be reported to your caregiver.

You may notice that you are not getting as much sleep as you are used to. Your sleep can be disturbed by the need to urinate, increased dreaming, heartburn or other reasons. Find a comfortable position and try to get as much rest as possible. It is hard work to carry a twin pregnancy and you need to be fair to your body and let it rest often.

Many women complain of an increase in headaches. If you experience severe and/or frequent pain, you should report it to your caregiver. Do not take any type of pain reliever without the consent of your caregiver. Try a relaxing bath, calming music, eating and drinking often, rest in a darkened room or a soothing compress over your eyes. Hormone production may cause migraine headaches. Many environmental, food, hormonal and lifestyle triggers cause migraines. Avoid air pollution, smoke, fumes, bright lights, alcohol, aspartame, caffeine, chocolate, dairy products, fatty foods, MSG, nuts, and physical exertion. Depression, stress and anxiety can also lead to migraines.

At this point of the pregnancy, maternity clothes are probably a must. You may be outgrowing your pants as your waistline expands. Moms of multiples experience this earlier. Maternity bras are very important also. Purchase or borrow clothes that will last the entire pregnancy.

Swelling of the feet is a common complaint also. The extra weight in your abdomen has the effect of increasing the curve of your spine. Wearing athletic shoes and propping your feet up throughout the day should alleviate discomfort.

Bring on the Fat Pants, Baby!

Officially “large and in charge”. I’ve been squeezing into my regular pants, tugging down my regular shirts, stretching out my regular hair ties ( on the pant buttons) and finally, enough was enough. I’ve emptied my closet of anything considered “pre pregnancy” that can’t be worn immediately post-pardum and unpacked 4 giant totes of maternity stuff. This is quite a bit earlier then with my previous pregnancies but hey, there are two in there and I started out a good 5 pounds heavier this time. And I can’t stop eating. That, too.

The family spent the weekend at a local State Park and my husband was quite the fast thinker, snappng a few belly pics for me to share. The belly; it is not huge. But it is definately present. Soon I’ll be body pillow shopping and forcing myself to sleep only on my side.

Oh, and did you notice my boobs are huge? Yes. Thank you Pregnancy Gods, for blessing me with my first set of pregnancy boobs. I never got them with my kids, I just got HUGE nursing boobs. Well thanks to my son I had these nice large empty sacks left over from his nursing days and these twins? Hate to see anything go to waste ( this includes food on a plate. “the babies” just won’t let me waste it) so sent me a little hormone boost and VOILA! Huge knockers. They would be even more fabulous if I didn’t have to kill anyone who might touch them. Husband has agreed to enjoy from afar ( the knee to the groin that one time kind of convinced him of that wise choice).

So there’s your update! I’ve another OB appointment next week ( Wednesday? Thursday? huh…) where I’m sure I’ll come back and piss and moan about all the weight I’ve packed on thanks to our friend Snickers. Prepare yourself for whining.

Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are!!

I get an average of 119 views a day. The average length of view is 2 minutes…. yet no comments???

My feelings are hurt.

So today’s the day! You over here for a visit? Sit down and share a little! How did you find my blog? What do you think about it? What do you want to know? What would you change?

Time to share, folks!

NT, You Wanna?

Yesterday was the oh-so-exciting NT scan. The short? These children are looking WONDERFUL! The long version looks like this:

Dolce is to the left, Gabbana to the right. You can see the top of Gabbana’s right hand just below the word Head, and *her foot to the right of the word.

Dolce lounging. You can see the top of his left hand just in front of his nose with a hint of his legs/knees over by the word “body”.

Dolce ( heartrate of 147) had the hiccoughs the whole time, likes to kick, and keeps headbutting his sister ( babies are head to head) when he stretches out his little body.  In the second picture he has his right arm over his face in a very dramatic pose.. you can see arm, elbow, and hand over forehead.

 

 

Gabbana ( heart rate 160) kept sticking out her tongue and rolling around. You can see her little mouth open in the top picture with her left hand near her face and the hint of her legs.  When her brother bumps her she throws up her hands, which you can see in the bottom picture. He stretched out and bumped her ( you can see his head to the left) and she threw up her right arm in response.

BOTH babies are incredibly active and responsive. They both tried to hide from the ultrasound wand…
Speaking of the wand… YAY I didn’t need to be scanned vaginally!! While my food baby is huge, apparently it’s mostly intestine that flops behind my uterus when laying down, so we got some decent detail on top and didn’t need to go the other way. WOO HOO!! It was an hour and a half scan, so my cooch is thankful.

I’m showing. Well, i’m fat, but it’s displaced fat caused by the babies, so I’m showing. My fundus is measuring at 17 weeks, I’m up a total of 5 pounds, and I can’t fit in my pants anymore. My first clue that this isn’t all fat but that I’m actually growing these babies? My belly button started hurting. That stinging/stretching hurt it got with my childrens’ pregnancies that means things are stretching out.

The thing that really made it all real?

Yesterday Gabbana kicked me. Three times. One during the ultrasound ( which I got to see AND feel) and twice more last night while laying on my side in bed. At 13 weeks I’m being kicked.

It’s amazing.

Soon Dolce will get in on the action ( he’s slightly behind Gabbana to the rear so if they stay that way it will be mostly her that I feel) and my easy time of rest will be over.

I can’t wait.

 

*No, we don’t know the genders. I’m guessing, but I’ll bet I’m right!!

I’ve Stolen A Well Written Article ( do you forgive me?)

I liked this. I related to a lot of what was being said. So I figured what the heck, lets post it on my site! Here you go, something to pass the time!

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Life After a Surrogate Birth

You’ve just delivered a surrogate baby, what are you going to do? If you answered you’re going to Disneyland, perhaps you should postpone that a month or so. Chances are you’re going into that amusement park thrill ride all its own: post partum mood swings.

I’ve read many surrogate birth stories over the past two years, and they’re all wonderful to read. But some have stuck out for their honesty in dealing with the emotional aspects of the time after the birth. And those that have shared a common theme: it’s not all happy all the time.

I think this is an important message to get out there to those in the world of surrogacy who haven’t been through a birth yet: either as a surrogate or as an intended parent (IP). Many birth stories I read (by surrogates; I’ve read a few by the new parents themselves, but not as frequently. Hard as it is to believe, it seems they have something else to concentrate on ) would describe the amazing moment when the child was born and handed to the IPs, and how seeing how happy that made them made the surrogate feel an amazing surge of peace and pride for doing this amazing thing. Very few of these birth stories mentioned the down time that follows for MANY surrogates.

It seems in part to avoid scaring others, and in part to avoid having others think they are “regretting their decision” or “want to keep the baby,” many surrogates don’t mention or downplay the sadness they experience after the delivery. And while I’m sure there are some surrogates out there who never have a single pang of sadness, that would seem to be a highly unlikely scenario. Though not for the reasons many outsiders initially assume.

In today’s society, if you mention surrogacy, people often still think instantly of Mary Beth Whitehead (15 years later!). One of the main questions surrogates are asked is “how can you be sure you can give up the baby?” That is what everyone focuses on. And many surrogates report feeling totally “watched” in the days and weeks following delivery, as those around them – especially those who were skeptical about the whole surrogacy thing to begin with – wait for them to fall apart and realize they made a huge mistake and they want that baby back. They feel the only way to avoid having to explain and justify any sadness is to deny any has occurred.

But would it not be normal to be sad at the end of a surrogacy? I equate it to being involved in a play: for weeks or months you rehearse, you submerge yourself in a role, as the time for opening night nears your life tends to become more and more focused on this event, and then you have that wonderful shining moment on the stage, everything goes off wonderfully, the audience loves it, you couldn’t have been better. And. Then. It’s. Over. With a surrogacy, you’ve dedicated at the very least nearly a year to helping someone else be a parent when the delivery comes. And with very few exceptions, I’ve always heard the moment of seeing the IPs with their new child as being the highest high a surrogate can experience. But after that, where is there to go but down?Add that to the totally normal hormonal mood fluctuations following any birth and you have a woman ready to cry.

Those who’ve described the downtime most vividly often talk of feeling totally elated one moment and devastated shortly after because their part in this is done. It’s not the baby they miss – that is something everyone is emphatic about because of common perception – it’s either the surrogacy itself or the IPs or the “specialness” of being pregnant, or simply the hormones going for a joy ride. And it’s completely normal, if not often discussed.

I think it’s important that surrogates know this so that when the time comes, they know they’re not the only surrogate who’s ever cried when the baby left the hospital, or when they said goodbye to their IPs, or alone at night afraid to let anyone see them.

I also think it’s essential for IPs to be aware of this, because as almost any parent can tell you, it’s very easy to become totally myopic when you bring home that child for the first time. Besides the rigors of adjusting to an infant’s schedule, the whole process of adjusting to being a family leaves little energy or attention to other details. For IPs who’ve been trying to years to have a child then turn to surrogacy – or even just those who came to surrogacy initially as a way to conceive – the end of the surrogacy is not an end at all, but merely the beginning of their dreams.

(disclaimer, the following doesn’t apply to me as my IF is worlds most empathetic, but I thought it was good info for my Google readers)

As natural as that is, the IPs should remember this is the end of the surrogate’s role and dream. As easy as it is to get swept away in the day-to-day minute-to-minute minutiae of new parenthood, it is important to remember the person who brought you to this point of obsession! Many IPs speak of wanting to make a “clean break” and simply be a new family, and worry that keeping the surrogate involved in their lives will be more difficult for everyone. (Of course, the amount of contact after the birth one desires differs greatly from case to case – and is something everyone should discuss early and often.) But of the surrogates I know who had the easiest return to being “a woman who once was a surrogate” versus being “a former surrogate who wonders exactly how XXX is doing” were those who had some input from the IPs as they made the adjustment to being a family, who were allowed some time to say goodbye to the baby they carried in the hospital (often in private – something that scares a lot of IPs, unfortunately), and who felt appreciated for their role in making their IPs family a reality. It’s this bit of extra hand-holding that actually often turns out to be a big source of closure……………………………

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I’ve played out the end of this surrogacy journey over and over in my head. I planned and prepared very early on to be sad when it was done, and got ripped a new one on a certain surrogacy “support” site for stating that expectation out loud. How dare I? It seemed that the upset was not over that I would be sad, but that I was saying out loud that I expected it. I expect to be sad. There, I said it. I expect to miss being pregnant, miss caring for the baby, miss bein that “important person” to someone else. Selfish? Yes. And I expect to miss it. I never had PPD with my childrens’ pregnancies, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I got a touch of it with this one. And you know what? That’s OK. It’s all part of the journey.

For me ( and only me; disclaimer disclaimer, etc) I would have to be a really unfeeling and shallow person to be able to just hand those new parents their new baby and go on with my life as if nothing had happened. Also, I fully intend to “bond” with these babies ( to an extent). They will know they are loved from the very first moment they are able to feel it. That safe secure feeling of comfort. Why? Because I love them. I can’t emotionally detach myself from these babies, and I really feel like it would be doing them a huge disservice to attempt to do so. They should feel safe, loved, while they are with me. I owe them that. And while the love I feel for them isn’t the same as the love I feel for my children, it is still there. I can’t turn it off. It is the same love I feel for my friends’ children, for my nieces and nephews. It isn’t “this has to be mine” love, but rather “I love that this is yours” love. Does that make even a little bit of sense?

This does NOT mean that I will regret handing them to daddy. On the contrary, handing them to Daddy is the reason I’m doing this! This does NOT mean that I require to be this constant involved person in their lives ( as if that were even possible). It means that I carried them. That I love them. That they changed my life forever and I will never forget them. And when we part for the first time ever, I expect to be sad. Not regretful, but sad.

Is it wrong to expect that? I feel almost safe expecting up front for things to be less then “sunshine and rainbows” for those first few weeks. It can’t sneak up on me and catch me with my guard down. That it would be naive to think anything otherwise. But I’ve had so many “you’ll regret this”  and “you’re making a mistake, we know you too well” ( insert my derisive snort here)  barbs tossed at me that i almost feel like I’ll have to hide my sadness; Sadness that is normal! And healthy! And expected! I just hope with the time comes that I’m wrong about that assumption; that I’m “allowed” to feel sad without any judgment following.

What do you think?

 

A Small Burst of Steam

Just a few days ago the insurance coverage purchased for this pregnancy at a premium price notified us that as of the 26th of June there were no longer any providers or hospitals in our area still in contract with them.

P-daddy paid a LOT for this insurance. More then some people make in a year. And now? No one here will take it. Or they will take it, but are not a “preferred provider” so the insurance only pays out a small portion.

This, quite understandably, concerns us. But the insurance rep and our agency rep who refuse to give us any answers, promise call backs but don’t follow through, and string us along? Make us angry.  OK, well it makes ME angry. I assume anger on the part of P-Daddy.

“Oh, we’ll help her find another provider!” Yet oddly, according to their provider search website, there isn’t one. In all of Oregon.

More to follow. Bottom line, things are quite the clusterfark right now, and we really don’t know what to do about it. He’s already purchased the coverage; it is his. He purchased it for more then the normal care and delivery bills will be ( a “just in case/emergency”) policy.  And now? It seems to be somewhat useless.