Creepy Stalker-ish People *Update/Boogers and All*
31 03 2008Oh ick. Advice? Those voyeuristic stalkers I spoke of before just won’t leave well enough alone. Now they are tracking me down via false identities on Surrogacy Support Forums! Seriously! Am I wrong to be weirded out by that? I mean really.. false identities?? I just don’t understand.
What would you do?
So this is the reply I got when I confronted that person about their stalker-ish behavior:
“since this seems to be the only way to know what is going on with you, this is the avenue I take.”
Now my gut reaction is to respond with a big fat BULLSH*T, as she has my phone number and knows how to use it. Then I remember how disgusted she was with me for undertaking a surrogacy journey with a “stranger” for compensation in the first place. She thinks nothing but negative about this whole life change and hasn’t been shy to express that. So why, I ask, would she want to follow along??? I’m searching deep in my soul to find a positive reason for her continued prying. Not finding much. My gut ( again. I must be just too focused on that area, huh?) says she’s looking for emotional ammunition to swap with her fellows. But then again..
she IS my sister.
How much weight should I give that fact? And I harming the overall picture; the long term good, by keeping my story from her? Maybe.. maybe when it’s all done, when she sees the (pictures of, etc) new daddy, maybe that will change her thoughts about surrogacy. That IS what I want to do; get the word out about the beauty of this process. Let people learn by watching.. you know? Show people just one of the beautiful ways a family can be created that isn’t in the little box that society calls “normal”. But then again.. she’s my sister. I kind of expect unchallenged support from her, anyway. BECAUSE of that. Because my sisters; they know me. Well, I thought they did. I just don’t like the thought of the inevitable pow-wow they will throw ( if you’d ever met my sisters, you’d know what I’m talking about!) at every bit of information not sunshine and roses. Gleefully marinating in it. Stretching and skewing it till it’s unrecognised for what it is. What if I’m just having a “normal” bad day as a big pregnant woman? I know my sisters. They will be on the phone with each other the second my bad day becomes public ( via this blog or a surrogacy support site) and patting each other on the back for being so right in insisting that surrogacy is so wrong. I KNOW them. Do I want the thought of that haunting my every word? I want this site, and any support sites I’m on, to be real. Raw. True. Would it still be? Or would I ( perhaps unconciously, ) soften and pretty up what I’m saying, what I’m experiencing, to protect myself? Just to provide less ammo, while still providing a mostly accurate story?
I don’t want to do that! I want to be me. I want this to be my story, boogers and all.
So what should I do? Continue to password-protect? Continue to remain behind secure forum doors? Continue to keep my little world little, but safe? Or open the doors, share it all with everyone, knowing that for whatever harm it causes, it will hopefully provide much more good.. and ignore the booger pointers at the family reunion? I’m tempted… sorely tempted… to just remove all passwords ( except those posts that are just mine. I am that selfish!) and go streaking across the world wide web with this journey. Blunt, brutal honesty. And if you don’t like it, that’s your problem.
This is how I responded to her:
Oh my! “Ick” is right. I’m not sure what in the world you should do or even CAN do. Hummm…
Oh…oops, that “astudyinblue” person was me. I have a wordpress identity too, just to try WP out. Don’t worry, its not one of your creepy stalkers. Ha!
Wow, I’m sorry that your sister is doing this to you. If it were me I would keep it password protected because you are right she has no right to know what is going on with your journey when she has put you down so much for it. I think it is a beautiful thing that you are doing!
I reckon keep it password protected. I know about the ammunition thing from family and I would definitely stay protected…but that is just me.
Honestly, If this was me, she would be cut out of my life by now. Drastic, I know, sister or not. But if she has NOTHING positive to offer, then why bother. Seriously, this pisses me off. I am sorry she has so little respect for you and your choices. I hope you know that what you are doing is not only going to change one life, but many, and in so many ways.
As for the password protection, let her read. Let them gossip. As long as you are aware of what a fantastic thing you are doing for someone else, then who cares what they think.
Eskimo, I tend to agree.. let them see the boogers. I can’t cut her out ( or any of them) because they are my family and I do love them, even as I recognise that they really have no respect for me. And at this point I’m not even pissed. Just sad. Sad for them, that something in their life led them to believe it was OK to treat other people this way, you know? And I have already gained so much positive from our journey together. The good will continue to grow and blossom, and maybe they need to see it. Maybe this will open their eyes a bit, just a smidge. Maybe our one tainted relationship will allow them to have other, new relationships and views in the future that aren’t so tainted.. make sense? The greater good, and all that.
You hit that nail on the head girl. This is about respect, or lack thereof. I hate a sense of entitlement in people, doesn’t matter if it’s about information, money or what have you. They are not entitled to any info about your journey and by refusing to support YOU, regardless of how they feel about this surrogacy they’ve lost their opportunity to be included. I’ve said it before and I think it bears repeating, you can judge a person’s actions till your little heart’s content but you never have grounds to judge a person. Once you judge a person you can kiss any chance of a trusting relationship goodbye. How will the person judged ever be able to trust your feelings after that?
Even if I thought surrogacy was the root of all evil, you are an intelligent adult capable of making her own decisions as well as being my best pal. I support this surrogacy because I think you are doing a great thing with a great person, I support you because I love you, respect you and drink coffee at your house while watching your cable. Oh, and you let me pound on you at the gym. A big bonus, that.