Black and White. Yes and No. Up and Down.

So things are weird, up here in my head. I’m pregnant. PREGNANT. But this experience is just SO different from what I’m used to. There is none of that excitement… I mean I am excited! Very much excited! But then again… not.

With my last two pregnancies, as soon as I saw two pink lines, my future planning began. Boy or girl? What will it’s name be? Where will it sleep? Where will I be in my life then, and how do I need to plan for our new addition, etc.  My every waking thought was about my pregnancy, about my baby, about me and my life. This time…. no baby is coming home with me. I don’t need to plan a nursery, pick a name, or secretly wish for a gender. I don’t need to do ANYTHING but enjoy this pregnancy, enjoy the responses I get from Daddy when telling him of “our” progress… It’s weird. Good, but weird.

I have been doing daycare for my best friend for the last few months. She has a 5 year old and a newborn…well, he’s 4 months old now, but you get the idea. A small child, still baby, not toddler. I love my friend. I love her children. But oh my gawd, I don’t like them much! Don’t get me wrong, they are lovely, but I have never been so satisfied with our decision to have no more children then I am when I’m rocking, burping, bouncing that wailing little boy. Babies? Aren’t fun. They are sweet, they smell good ( most of the time) and they have cute moments… but for the most part? Not fun. It is very exciting getting to experience pregnancy all over again, and not have to worry about the baby that comes home when it’s done. It’s not coming to MY home! This is the oddest kind of elation! I will ( and kind of do, already) love this child. I will cherish it forever. And I will be forever thankful that it will be in it’s home with it’s daddy, and not with me. Not because the love isn’t there. Not because the bond isn’t there.. but because my emotions have very clearly stated to all parts of my body that this baby? Is not MINE.

So here I am; enjoying this pregnancy. Yes, the heartburn. Yes, the incredibly stinky surroundings. Yes to the peeing all the time. Yes Yes Yes. But the thing that I’ll enjoy most? Handing this bundle to it’s father, seeing that look in his eye, and knowing…. KNOWING. That I never have to calm a colicky baby again. That the late nights, the complete and total lack of freedom, is not mine. It belongs to Daddy. I get all the fun parts ( first kick! soft rolling around in my belly, seeing Daddies excitement, etc) and poor P-Daddy gets all the work.

So it’s weird, up here in my head. And I’m loving every second of it.

::Bangs Head on Table::

See? See what happened? I got all cocky. All full of myself. The Gods of pregnancy saw me bragging all over the whole Internet about my lack of pregnancy woes and said to themselves “Well we can’t have THAT!” and fixed me good.

Am worlds biggest asshole.

So I get this wicked bad heartburn. Not fun, but normal compared to my other pregnancies. Just something I deal with, right? Heartburn gets bad, kind of makes me cough!

And then I throw up.

Which, you know, is fun. SO fun, in fact, that it happens again! And again! So this is me, stuffing back acid coughs all day.

Hi. How do you do.

So not so much with the “morning sickness” ( whose stupid idea was that name, anyway? I know of no barfing pregnant woman whose visits to the throne are limited to morning times..) but a lot with the throwing up. Yay. Just what I wanted for Christmas.

See?? See what happens? Let this be a warning to you: things going good? LIE!! Tell people it’s the WORST thing you’ve ever experienced! Because if you don’t? The pregnancy Gods will hear you and you’ll find yourself spitting up on your children, rather then the other way around.

 Note to self: Add extra strength TUMS to next grocery list….

 9 weeks down, 31 to go

Cake.

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Audience Participation Required

OK folks, I’m winding up to a rousing discussion and debate that I’m sure you’ll all get something out of.

 But first, I’d like to know your thoughts. Why? So I have great fodder for my own post, of course. Lazyness at it’s best.

This is what I require of you: A comment; sentence, paragraph, or book, about your views on:

Compensated Gestational Surrogacy

Good or bad. For or against. Who -what -when -where -why. Everyone has an opinion on this, and I’d like to hear them all! This is an open post so go anon if you’d feel more comfortable. But please, if you read this post, leave a comment. I really would like to hear what everyone has to say.

Thanks!

The End of the Torture of the End.

OK, I’m not going to lie, here: these PIO injections are really starting to HURT! Had I only listened to the voices of the “pros” ( and L, don’t you DARE “nanny nanny” me. I’ll hop over to Kansas and kick your pregnant ASS ( softly, of course) should you even try..) I  would have saved any of my earlier bitching about these injections for right about now. I can’t sleep on my right side. Folks, that is my default sleeping side! I’m all confused in bed now! I have a baseball sized lump on my right hip that frankly feels like.. crap, not sure how to describe it. OK. It feels like a crumpled up piece of tinfoil.. No, a ball of ice shards…. OK, it feels like I have, under my skin, a pokey ball. I think the PIO, in the formation of this beautiful rump bump, has somehow hardened strands of the muscle into tiny points of ouch that remind me, with much glee, of their presence when I put any pressure on it. Which means that sitting/laying/leaning kind of hurt. A deep bruise hurt combined with the bizarre pokey-ball.

BUT! BUT! Thursday, ladies and gentlemen. Thursday is my LAST day of PIO. As in never again. No more. My bumps are prematurely thankful.

In other pregnancy news, I am apparently one of those lucky pregnant woman that most other pregnant woman want to kill in a most un-ladylike fashion. No morning sickness for me. None. Not even a little bit, despite the loads and loads of estrogen and progesterone I’m forcibly injecting ( and ingesting) into my body every day. This is odd because I had “all day” sickness with both of my previous pregnancies. No huge vomit sessions, but nauseous pretty much 24 hours a day for, oh, 12 weeks or so. Which was not fun, let me tell you. Some information for you, copied and pasted for your convenience: 

One of the theories is that morning sickness is caused by the dominant hormone during pregnancy, progesterone. Progesterone has a “softening” effect on the muscles in the body. It is thought it helps prevent preterm labor by effecting the uterine muscles. It also effects other muscles, such as the stomach and intestines. The progesterone relaxes the workings of the whole digestive track which makes the elimination of bodily wastes slower which can lead to a slow emptying of the stomach which leads to excess stomach acids.  Another theory, and more widely accepted, is that morning sickness is caused by the buildup of hCG (human chorionic gonadotopin) in your system. hCG is produced after implantation takes place and continues to increase until about the 12th week of your pregnancy, at which point the levels of hCG starts to decrease. If you are lucky, this is when your morning sickness symptoms will start to decrease as well.

What I have been gifted with, however, is an incredibly sensitive sense of smell. This is all new to me so for the first week or so I just thought all the food in my house was rotting. I tossed 2 loaves of bread and cleaned out my fridge of all but the condiments before I realized that ALL food, even at friends homes, smelled rotten. The odds of that; slim.  So crap, it must be me.This new development has been a blessing and a curse. I love food. I love to eat. My reward for anything occurs in my mouth. Earned some extra money? Go out to dinner. Want a birthday treat? Open up and say AHHH to some take-out! I love me some eatables. ( I’m shocked I’m not any fluffier than I am). So now, while I still love food, it kind of makes me gag. I mean, I’ll eat it, but the whole time I am doing so I think it smells like feet. You can only ignore that for so long before you decide meh.. maybe not so much of the eating. This has been a blessing because normally, I’m a night snacker. Now, not so much. Unfortunately, it isn’t just food that is affected. My bathrooms are now spotless ( even as I choked on the chemical smells) and I literally have to hold my breath when changing my sons diapers as I almost gagged on him the other day. Which wouldn’t have been very nice.

So that’s the update. Thursday is the next *big* day. I have the 8 week ultrasound in the morning and my first regular OB appointment in the afternoon. Interested to see how that goes… I’m going to the same OB I went to with my son’s birth, so I’m curious how differently he’ll act now with this surrogate pregnancy and with my new demands/requirements. We’ll see…….

A Change, Perhaps

Welcome to my new home. I promise, I’ll get something juicy and interesting up soon.. just as soon as I figure out the new system! In the mean time, please leave me a comment letting me know you followed me over!

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